Welcome to my space

You can find a bit about me on that good ol’ about me page.

Here, on this first blog post, it’s an intimate hello. I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve and loosely filter my thoughts.

I lost my mom slowly and cruelly to dementia. It was as they say, a long goodbye. An  incomprehensible concept until you live it. My mom was vibrant, absorbing as and giving as much as she could. She walked through life with an awareness that time is limited and to make the best use of it. She never let life pass her by. Ever.

Her way of being sometimes made me anxious, she rarely slowed down. Getting to know her in these last few years and after her passing gives me a special appreciation I wish I could express to her.

Say it loud, say it clear … as the song goes.

I am the woman I am today, in part, due of my mom’s resilience. I’m a mirror to her passion, her drive to learn new things, try things others are afraid to, speaking up but in my own voice and standing squarely in my space as I explore who I am.  

It was in her loss that I learned to be an advocate. I wanted her to be seen, not forgotten, overlooked or ignored. I saw it often in medical and social settings. I found it was in her art practice she settled into peace, joy and empowerment in self-expression. Turns out mom loved to dance, too!

I’ve found so much more art work that my mom did that I never knew about. Even when I was in high school. During that time she was focused on developing my skills while she quietly practiced hers.

I wasn’t always as patience as I should have been. Please don’t say, you did your best. Dementia is a sneaky beast that makes you question a shared reality. But you learn to adapt to your loved one’s reality. It’s just a surreal experience, one foot in this world and the other in theirs.

On this path she has given me a renewed love of my own art practice. I always seem to come back to watercolors, a skill nurtured by my parents, my favorite art lessons.

Today I facilitate that same joy, empowerment and peace with other seniors. To share the pleasure in creative expression I had with my mom on Sunday’s, in waiting rooms, and on her back porch make me smile. Creating and not perfection is where my heart is at. Trying to stay present.

Mom would have been right here with me, today, teaching and sharing. I feel that in her way, she is.